How to…..feel like you have fifty shades of no clue!

Tonight I am off to see the Queensland premiere of Fifty Shades of Grey, the film.  I am going with an open mind, but I don’t think the words “I liked the movie better than the book,” has ever come out of my mouth or anyone I know who likes to read.  Here’s what I thought about the books back in 2012!

After reading the Fifty Shades trilogy, by E.L James,  I now know 45 new ways to have sex. In theory that is!

Forget plot and storyline and character development.

You don’t need to assign a genre, like erotic romance or relationship thriller.

Instead these books should be found in the self-help section , under How To.

 If you haven’t heard the buzz about the Fifty, then it’s possible you either have 40 more sexual tricks in your magic bag or like Houdini you’ve been underwater for a while.

My second eldest pointed them out to me on a recent shopping trip and I grabbed the first and the third in soft cover. They were on sale and she told me her friend’s mother insisted they were ‘great’.

Once I delved in, I,  like the main character in the series Anastasia Steele, become slightly obsessed and my mind became one-tracked. On the track of reading, purely for the creative writing of course.

It’s a story of a virginal college graduate who captures the interest of a damaged, adopted, billionaire Dominant, who likes bondage and beating (with consideration and respect…yes raise your eyebrows) women. A concept that sounds slightly disturbing. Pretty much the same cringe, when you describe the Hunger Games as a bunch of futuristic kids who have to kill each in a contest in order to survive.

But like my reaction to the Hunger Games, and despite the difficult-to grasp-concept,  I enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey.

It’s the first book in the bunch and I found it fascinating, not to mention I found it educational. Sure the sex scenes were graphic and naughty and that was part of the attraction, but the characters were complex in their simplicity and the writing was crisp enough to keep me turning the pages. In fact I liked the author’s slow reveal of Christian Grey, the sadistic Dominant the most. He was “mercurial. ”

Mercurial- this is E. L. James’ favourite word…it was used just as much in the book as the silver neck tie Grey used for his bondage escapades.

By the end of the first Fifty, I’d started to get a hold- a soft hold- of the mercurial Mr Grey and wanted to get stuck into the second book, Fifty Shades Darker, which I bought as an e-book.

In this, more of the background of Christian Grey is exposed and I am starting to get a little cross at the increasing submissiveness of Anastasia. Not to mention there’s more graphic eye-popping sex scenes that are so well described, that I suspect strongly that the author has had to do some hands-on research in the subject.

Into the third I go.. Fifty Shades Freed, and by this time  I was actually getting sick of all the sex. Please! There is no way real-life people could have that much and use so many different bits and pieces every day, back-to-back, three times, four times, five times a day. Could they?

Anyway I wanted to skip all the sex and just get to the story.

Did I mention there’s some stalking and attempted murder, blackmail and workplace sexual harassment as well as childhood issue themes in the novels as well?

No maybe that’s because initially it’s the sex that’s dominant.

I’d recommend these books, even if just to stay abreast of current popular culture and so you can add your informed thoughts to the discussions, or your bedroom repertoire.

But my advice is to read something like a travel memoir or a crime thriller in between…I wouldn’t want you to get tied up, I mean down, in all the graphic sex and miss a nice escape from reality.

6 Comments on “How to…..feel like you have fifty shades of no clue!

  1. I just finished the trilogy and it was a fun read though some of the phrasing did start to get a little repetitive – I’m surprised Ana’s lower lip wasn’t a bloody mess considering all the times Christian caught her biting it! Anyway, it inspired me to write my own Fifty, “Fifty Shades of Nutella” Check it out if you get a moment 🙂


    • Hi I read your blog and laughed then berated myself for giggling, and then considered asking for permission to reply. It was very funny and I wonder how you would possibly have time for anything other than nutella.
      K x


      • Thank you, I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Yes, Nutella, along with biting my lower lip and knotting my fingers constantly is so time consuming, but somehow I manage! Thanks again for stopping by 🙂


  2. Thanks for the review, it’s interesting to hear there’s actually a decent story line amongst the hype. You’ve made me want to grab the books now ;-).

    btw – found you on Qld bloggers 🙂


    • Hi there…I enjoyed it…but it is what it is…don’t expect literary awards..just enjoy the silly fun fantasy factor.
      btw i’ll look for you on qld b 2


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